She stood on a raised pedastal like a goddess in white, with her hair cascading over her shoulders as her friends gasped and she froze—transfixed on the beauty and power of her own reflection.
Behind your closed door, I stand. Mostly about to burst in with freshly folded laundry or to catch a word of the muted laughter floating through the wall. But I’m here. Behind your closed door.
After our mini LA family vacation I was looking forward to a quiet flight, a glass of wine and finishing The Chronicles of Narnia that Charlie had disdained to read.
“Most of us are taught to be people pleasers. We give away parts of our souls trying to make other people happy.” I wondered why this resonated deeply with all of us.
The difference between being busy and being intellectually fulfilled is infinite. I am certainly busy enough and grateful that I am here as the mothership to the family. I will not fill this empty space with just anything. My mind does wander and wonder though. It wanders and wonders though.
I said, "This is important that you be seen today, can you make it through?" This practice mattered to her having a chance to get on the team.
"No." she said. Again.
Being an English student I have always thought that the mastery of literature lied in an untraceable and intangible gift, but words come with many meanings. "Mother," what does that word mean? I can't answer that for anybody else, because I have seen different interpretations of the gift of motherhood.
The thing about thirteen is that the physical connection of picking them up and cleaning their bodies, bathing and dressing them and playing on the playground and putting them in and out of their carseats and laying with them and reading to them and having them sit on your lap it's all over. It's all over.
This is my letter to the World
That never wrote to Me-
The simple News that Nature told-
With tender Majesty
Marriage is the end. It's not the beginning. It's knowing that at the end you have all the memories and all the friendships and all the dreams with one person.
Even though I believe in God and many other Christian beliefs, I am not so keen on forgiveness. For the most part, it's unnecessary.
We fear that we have lost our potential or ourselves. We fear that we will not look a certain way. And who cares anyway? Nobody that matters. The real truth is that we do have love and we do have friends. We have everything. But our ego always wants us to suffer: but nothing from the ego is real. Good or bad, high or low. It's not real.
A good friendship is undefinable but undeniable. Like the weather friendship moves and bends to the breeze.
As I sit here watching Mall Cop on Day 10 of our foreign exchange student's visit I cannot help but feel a mix of exhilaration and failure.
Last night at 2:22 am a bus rolled into the parking lot at Watt and Fair Oaks carrying our foreign exchange student, Noelie.
Never in my wildest imagination did I expect to spend thirteen years raising my daughter with the outcome being that I became the most irritating person on the planet. But here I am, the most annoying and offsetting person in the house.
What hurts us more? Not knowing that you can control anything or knowing it and still wanting to. Knowing that you can save your self from pain, except you can't. Knowing it's better for someone you love to go through something than for us to try and change the outcome. We limit ourselves so much in the avoidance of pain that we end up cheating ourselves from the freedom in living.