Finding My Place in This Empty Space

The difference between being busy and being intellectually fulfilled is infinite. I am certainly busy enough and grateful that I am here as the mothership to the family. I will not fill this empty space with just anything. My mind does wander and wonder though. It wanders and wonders though.

You Are More Other: A Mother

Being an English student I have always thought that the mastery of literature lied in an untraceable and intangible gift, but words come with many meanings. "Mother," what does that word mean? I can't answer that for anybody else, because I have seen different interpretations of the gift of motherhood. 

Why Thirteen is Everything.

The thing about thirteen is that the physical connection of picking them up and cleaning their bodies, bathing and dressing them and playing on the playground and putting them in and out of their carseats and laying with them and reading to them and having them sit on your lap it's all over. It's all over.

To Live Your Purpose, You Must Put Your Ego Aside.

We fear that we have lost our potential or ourselves. We fear that we will not look a certain way. And who cares anyway? Nobody that matters. The real truth is that we do have love and we do have friends. We have everything. But our ego always wants us to suffer: but nothing from the ego is real. Good or bad, high or low. It's not real. 

Control Your Own Destiny. The World Will Find You.

What hurts us more? Not knowing that you can control anything or knowing it and still wanting to. Knowing that you can save your self from pain, except you can't. Knowing it's better for someone you love to go through something than for us to try and change the outcome. We limit ourselves so much in the avoidance of pain that we end up cheating ourselves from the freedom in living.

Let's Find Instead of Fight.

The art of engagement was taught to me by my older brother. At times stealth was necessary, also; screaming, stunts, laughter and tears. It has taken me a long time, and numerous misguided conversations, fights and hurt feelings to realize that not all people are willing to confront another. Instead, emotions from ten, twenty, or thirty years ago can sit guardedly waiting to bite an unsuspecting soul. 

Time Isn't Waiting for Me Anymore...

As with everything in my life there is a time that changes everything. My parents are numb to any proclamation: I'm moving to the beach, I quit my job, I'm starting a new career, I'm buying a magazine, I'm pregnant, I'm going back to college, and sometimes.. I'm staying where I am. 

The Answers

What if there are no answers to life's biggest questions? I submit that there are not. The why's, what if's and when's.. you can pack those up and put them away.  It's not that there aren't answers to things, it's that the answers to the questions we seek are either already known inside our gut or cannot be known. We can pray, we can work, we can hope, but at the end of the day we will never know how everything is going to work out until it's all worked out.