Time Isn't Waiting for Me Anymore...
As with everything in my life there is a time that changes everything. My parents are numb to any proclamation: I'm moving to the beach, I quit my job, I'm starting a new career, I'm buying a magazine, I'm pregnant, I'm going back to college, and sometimes.. I'm staying where I am. As life gets longer and days get shorter my heart has gotten heavier and I look at my daughter so differently. I want different things now. I don't care about a resume or pleasing strangers. I do not care about the trivialities at all anymore, and I cannot waste time, I do not have it anymore to waste.
At mid-life, I know who my soul friends are and who I want to spend my undying days with. I know who makes me laugh, who will keep my secrets, who will be there, and who will not. I know all of this and I need nothing more than time with the friends and family that God blessed me with. I know that no matter how many events I attend or commitments I make, that those days and nights won't matter as much as the coffee I had with an old friend of yesterday. I look at my daughter and I know that life is not about having, it's about living. I want to live the rest of my days a certain way. A simple way. Friends. Family. Beach. Laughter. Writing. School. No more. No less.
I am grateful for the life I have led. I am grateful for every open door. My life has been pulled by a current that I do not question. The current is pulling me again.. back to myself. I wasn't crazy when at 20 I packed up a U-Haul and drove straight to the beach. I wasn't crazy when I knew I would marry my husband the second time I saw him. (or third). I wasn't crazy when I met my best friends and knew we would be sisters. I'm not crazy now. I know the tide that brings me in will take me back out again. I trust it.
If you sit with yourself you will realize that everything you asked for will come. Not the way you want it to, sometimes it seems too easy, sometimes it seems like forever, but it will come. The place some people may get stuck is that in order to move forward, you must leave behind what is not serving you. That means leaving behind people even if they are nice. That means leaving behind extra commitments even if they are worthy. That means saying no. If you don't say no you will only serve someone else's purpose. And you are more than that. It's time for you to be ready when the tide comes back for you.. because it always does.